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Any media executive can attest to just how biblically weird the industry landscape has become: Information has been fully commoditized, once-almighty search referral has become roadkill on the A.I. superhighway, and people get their news from a ChatGPT query or a singing SpongeBob SquarePants fish on TikTok. Meanwhile, some of the most prominent mainstream journalists and commentators are now making a living on Substack, YouTube, and even Patreon. Parasocial audience relationships are at the center of a new media ecosystem where authenticity matters as much, or more, than legacy institutions.